Tony Adams (he never misses the point)

as told to FootyNotes

My name is Tony Adams. You may know me from tactical disasters such as ‘Wycombe Wanderers’ and ‘Portsmouth’. It has been suggested that I always miss the point but as the great philosospeaker William Shakeworth said, ‘Bollocks to you lot’. Sadly visionaries like me, Arsene Wenger and Tom ‘Crosswits’ O’Connor sometimes have to accept that our futuristic methods will simply not be understood.


Thankfully the BBC’s Today programme has given me the chance to edit the show and I can give a preview of my schedule here.

The Taliban: We need to get to the heart of this issue which is at absolute crisis point but I think we also need a change in tone to galvanise interest in the story. So I have commissioned Gok Wan to report back on how Taliban fashion has been influenced by pre-Raphaelite architecture and beards.

Football: This is such a misunderstood issue right now. There is so much fickle reporting out there. I have commissioned the famous hard hitting football journalist Gaby Roslyn to do a piece on the great visionary talent lost to football due to ignorance, hate and fear….Tony Adams.

And finally: To round off the show, I think we need something a bit feelgood. So I want to do a piece on how for many people, alcohol is in fact a great comfort to them. It keeps people warm if they are sleeping in cardboard boxes. It is a great alternative to the car scrappage scheme if one is driving with alcohol. And it can also help one find philosophy, if you drink at least ten bottles of whisky a week for ten years. Because it does not make a blind bit of sense otherwise.

Anyway, I am Tony Adams and I NEVER miss the point.