Exclusive: Irish demand Jerusalem over le Hand

The Football Association of Ireland has demanded a slice of the Holy City of Jerusalem following their World Cup exit.

Said a spokesman: "Given the nature of injustice we have suffered, we felt we may as well ask for a bit of Jerusalem. From reading the papers, it is what most wronged groups ask for when they suffer mass injustice so why shouldn't we get some?

"To be honest, it did look a bit rubbish on the net but so does Hull and that's a great place to party."

And that full list of Irish demands:
 
 - A 20 point headstart in the next five Eurovision song contests
 
 - Free Stella for all Irish footballers for life (backdated)
 
 - A Hague war crimes tribunal for Thierry Henry
 
 - Lessons on how to handball and get away with it (free of charge)
 
 - Guinness
 
- Reparations based on the amount of pub trade lost due to Eire's failure to qualify (estimate: £3.65)