So long EPL, what else can the Old Firm join?

FootyNotes has obtained secret documents which confirm that Scotland's Old Firm are sizing up other competitions they can ruin now that the Premier League has told them to go and, er, whistle for one.

Here are the exclusive extracts:

The World Series of Baseball

Pros: By joining the World Series, we would able to put to good use the many baseball bats our supporters keep under their beds. Additionally, baseball does appear to be full of fat wastes of space who can hardly run so our players would fit right in to the dietary regimes.

Cons: Ally McCoist would look almost ridiculously silly wearing a baseball helmet. We don’t know the rules. We don’t know how to get to America. Our fans inform us that giant inflatable hands must come with a nunchucka option.

Strictly Come Dancing

Pros: We believe Rangers and Celtic would dramatically increase competition on Strictly thus enhancing the competition as well as bringing legions of new fans to this currently obscure television show watched by billions worldwide.

Cons: Our advisers tell us that a Walter Smith/Ally McCoist dancing double act could have homo-erotic overtones which could turn all our fans into Big Girls Blouses in some kind of weird Darwinian perversion.

The Scottish Premier League

Pros: We think joining this league would make sense as it is where clubs are based and a comprehensive analysis has suggested that we in fact may already play in this league which surely must been seen as a benefit at this critical juncture.

Cons: We simply cannot understand what possible advantage there is in being in a competition which we win every other year and thus have a guaranteed entry into the Champions League. What club would want that kind of nightmare apart from Manchester United? And look at them now.