All players are to be issued with Nintendo Wii Fit so that the club can sell the training ground to Poundland, a spokesman revealed. However he refuted claims that the team were also offered to Poundland for 99p.
The club also plans to adopt a new financial strategy, involving multi-platform marketing, raising brand awareness in both vertical and horizontal terms based on the trans-continental principle perspective. And Ally McCoist is going to organise a bake sale.
Rangers have also vowed to show greater imagination in the transfer market. The manager has already been instructed to work on dynamic new deals such as multiple-occupancy international transfers. But the club refutes and disassociated itself from anyone who describes this as ‘people trafficking’.
Further measures include the fact that strips are no longer be swapped. Rangers will no longer use change kits but get vintage ones off Ebay. Other blue kits such as Cowdenbeath/Queen of the South could also be used. However rumours abound that Cowdenbeath will sue any Rangers star wearing one of its strips on grounds that ‘they are really pish’.
OTHER NEWS
Manchester City have complained about overpaid armchair pundits criticising their players - without even bothering to watch the full game.
Said a spokesman: “We really think Robinho and Elano should stop criticising the players – particularly as they seem to do it while on their phones during the match. They seem to spend most of their time watching Baywatch reruns on their iphones.”
OLD FIRM SUMMIT
The EPL have discussed the Old Firm, Scotland’s two biggest clubs, at a major summit.
An insider: “Someone said that they’d probably get beat off Stoke. Another person mentioned that Scotland was quite cold. Another chairman asked what this issue had to do with Russia.
“There was talk of a breakaway league,” our insider added, "but by that time the stripper had turned up so we do not have records of what was said on that issue.”
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