FA 'may lose race to host FA Cup'

as told to FootyNotes

The FA has admitted it is likely to pull out of the race to stage the FA Cup.

“We support the German bid,” said a spokesman., “just because the FA Cup involves English clubs does not mean we are the natural country to host it.

“And just because we have the best and biggest stadia with fanatical supporters who pay fortunes to watch games where their teams often has no chance of winning does not mean that Oldham v Huddersfield might not attract a similarly passionate audience in the Black Forest.

The spokesman denied claims that the English FA could not organise a piss-up, even if they were in a venue which in fact served, ‘piss’.

He said: “Just yesterday the whole board went put for a lovely drink. There was some confusion over the venue and then an argument about the bill but apart from that everything was great. Apart from the fact that three of our board members are now missing.”

The spokesman added: “We may well decide to withdraw our 2018 World Cup bid too because, at the end of the day, the joint Somali/Iraq bid is very strong and they obviously have the facilities we don’t, like an organised FA for one.

“Also, we have run out of free handbags.”

AVRAM DENIES TAUNTS

Avram Grant has blamed constipation for his dour demeanour during his days as manager of Chelsea.

He said: “You know when you really need a shit and you just cannot do it. That is how I felt almost all the time at Chelsea.

“Just when I thought it would come, it would stay in my arse and so I would have to let it out verbally to the John Motson.

“Also I have been playing a lot of Football Manager and it has given me much inspiration for new teamtalk speeches I can do.”

Unfortunately this interview was cancelled as our correspondent fell asleep.